The Note.

Sure..  I could post this on facebook and scare my friends and family.. but that is not my intent.    I am seriously thinking about dying.  It’s been a lot of years of the same thoughts… it comes with being bi polar.  But as the years pass the thoughts and intent becomes even more intense.  

I sit here all alone at 50 while my beautiful 25 year old boyfriend works and parties.  It’s minutes into the New Year.. and the highlight of my night is waiting for Jimmy Buffet on Rockin New Years Eve..    I never found my salt shaker.. and honestly..  I don’t even care anymore.

A bottle of wine..a few Xanax and uneaten dinner I bought for us to share..  All for nothing.   My life was so charmed… but something went wrong.   I found out that I am not special.. and I am not unique…and my life has not been anything like I hoped it would be. 

So… If I make it through the night..  I will pick my fat ass up and try to make some changes.    And if I don’t .  Well…  nobody will know…. cause nobody knows I even have this account.

 

 

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About BettiRaige

A blog... that will eventually have words and pictures about my Second Life, My bipolar disorder, Being a survivor of abuse and domestic violence, Rants, and observations. My love of Irony and sense of humor and how it saves me from taking myself too serious
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4 Responses to The Note.

  1. I love you Betti and you are special and unique …..never give up….never surrender ♡♡♡

    • BettiRaige says:

      Thank you Rox… It was a rough night. But the sleep and hugs from the boyfriend when he finally got home really helped alot. Today I find myself humble and lucky that I did not act on the thoughts. nothing is worse than being in the hospital on a holiday…
      Thank you!! for being there!! and I love you right back!!

  2. Tyr Rozenblum says:

    Whoa, I mean I know you dont know me but if you need someone to talk to, hit me up in world. Tyr Rozenblum

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